I seriously can't get myself up to do much of anything other than work at my job just to pay my bills which have been skewed in their payment timing and who pays what amounts.

My budget is a mess because paydays at home alternate, so between me and my brother, money comes in once a week, and we NEVER have enough to stabilize the bills back to where we each pay half and still have the ability to buy food.

He keeps on dragging people in to freeload off of our living room amenities, so I don't even get to play on my game consoles anymore. It's MY FUCKING HOUSE, and he's the one doing this crap WITHOUT ASKING me.

I just found out that I forgot to pay my internet bill last month, so now I have two payments to worry about in one freaking bill. I hate winter so damn much. If it weren't for my gas bill, the house budget wouldn't have been so horribly derailed.

I don't make enough money to enjoy having money. I'm too poor and untalented at EVERY GODDAMNED THING ON THIS FUCKING PLANET to even be able to do more than have a loser's part-time FUCKING ASS BULLCRAP job. I can't be worth something to anyone, not even me, at this rate.

I don't know what, aside of negative whining about how worthless I am, that I'm actually good at. I'm just like every other loser that's on this site. I said every other loser, not like all the awesome people doing stuff here that I'm jealous of and can never be like.

I want a better life so goddamned bad...

So I'm killing time while I wait until I can start walking to work for today so that I don't come in too early and have to end up doing a lot of nothing for thirty minutes to an hour, and I still have way too much time on my hands.

It's easy to lie down and be bored, but it's a lot harder to be up and about and be bored. Time just crawls the latter way. Oh well. I've got another hour and a half. Still not sure what to do with it.

The Blockhead Enters...

...and doesn't drop me into a pot of frickin' hot water! Yay! :3

Oh, and I got a new job two days ago! Double yay! :3 I canz finally start fixing up the things I want again.

I've also messed around in the open beta for TERA, and while I don't know if it's the MMO I see myself committing to, it's rather close to the mark, which is odd for how much hate it's been getting. I actually like the game, myself, and I haven't hit the level 20 mark yet. (Level 15)

On another note, I would love to get Mass Effect 3. Do I care about the ending? Hell no. I spoiled myself the general gist of that on purpose. Not to mention to raise a pair of middle fingers to all the whiners out there.

People, rather than hype: LOWER YOUR DAMN EXPECTATIONS FOR ONCE. Good day.

*ahems*

I lied a bit. Pheco Pheeder's been put on hold while I train in the ways of ActionScript 3.0. It might even have to be rebuilt from the ground up again--who knows? At least I have some of the resources that I sought for it, so those are concrete.

I will submit my other flash games from that study instead.
Whether they pass or fail Judgement is no big deal, and what score they get is even less of one.
You might think that I'm just pushing garbage that's already been done onto the Portal, but I'm trying to showcase that I'm learning, and to also exhibit what I have learned.

There's no reason to be a troll--unless you're burning jealous. :3

---

IN OTHER NEWS: On the hunt for the MMO of my life, I have discovered that Phantasy Star Online 2 is in Alpha testing. IT. LOOKS. LOVERLY. Yes, I know it's only in Japan for now, but I WANT IT HERE IN THE GODDAMN USA, OR I WILL CRY.
Guild Wars 2 looks like one I'll bite on, too. I would gladly play all the way through the Eye of the North expansion for the original GW, just for the GW2 influences that it will bring.

I beta tested "Star Wars: The Old Republic", and man...what an underwhelming experience that was. Not going to say any more than that it's a disappointment. It's well-polished and mostly stable, but it just doesn't appeal to me.
Sci-fi MMO NOT APPEAL TO ME?! LE GASP! BioWare hath durn a travesty!

At this rate, Sega's doing a better job of captivating me...and NCSoft...and--dare I say it, even Cryptic and Perfect World?! For crying out loud! BioWare's pulled a Squeenix on us all! Bring up the shields and shoot it down!
"Shields are already breached, sir! Weapons are offline!"

I hate this show...

Great. Now my mind's wandered back into Arfenhouse territory. "ITZ AWL UR FALLUT!"

---

ALSO IN OTHER NEWS:

"You faggots
Posted by SHlTHEAD Aug. 29, 2011 @ 12:34 PM EDT

You faggots make me laugh. I never knew stupidity could be so funny. Have fun with your pathetic existence you fucking nerds. I'll be doing awesome things with my life while you sit at home, locked in your room like a fucking troll, doing fuck all on your computer 24/7, and fapping/crying yourself to sleep everynight. You all fucking disgust me!"

*Shimarisu Mode Activate*

I have to say, I agree that stupidity is funny, but I find it even funnier coming out of the mouth(ass?) of this actual "14-year old on Newgrounds". <-- See what Kirbopher did there with his silly Brawl Taunts video?

First: Nerds aren't stupid. Some maybe be smart-alecks or even precociously naive, but they are far from stupid. That's just a judgement that they level on themselves when they see "ERROR" flash in their head.
I should know: I do it too.

Second: I wonder what awesome things he's actually doing? "Fapping" to the hentai submissions on the Flash Portal here? Hahaha--Probably!
I could use the insecure little brat's curtain of anonymity and vagueness of his sentence to such plausible doubt that it could be spun in any direction that I want, and flanderized to boot.

Third: The only times people are locked in their room are these--by choice or by force. And even then, I don't think that a lot of the people here literally lock themselves in their room just to be a troll. My door isn't locked, and I've got trolls for this little bastard out my own wazoo.

Fourth: I don't think I've ever cried myself to sleep at night, though I have jacked off before bed a few times, when the urge is just too much to leave alone.

This one's for you, SHITHEAD! Stop posting your bastard poetry here, since it's all more of the same self-whiny "darkness" that you claim to know. I think you really know nothing, since about ninety percent of your news or comments are ignorant, big-headed garbage.

Never get into fisticuffs with an adult, kid. You'll always lose one-on-one. Word fights, either. Sometimes the adult says nothing and they still come out the winner. But me, I prefer to be a bully. Not because I'm insecure myself, but just because it's fun to watch you squirm with pathetic one-liners.

-Kaffe Kane, loljudge Productions

You can call all you want,
but there's no one home,
and you're not gonna reach my Telephone,
'cause I'm out at the club,
and I'm sippin' that Bubb,
and you're not gonna reach my Telephone.

You can call all you want,
but there's no one home,
and you're not gonna reach my Telephone,
'cause I'm out at the club,
and I'm sippin' that Bubb,
and you're not gonna reach my Telephone!

MAH TELEPHONE!
MAH TELEPHONE!
MAH-MAH-MAH TELEPHONE!

'Cause I'm out at the club,
and I'm sippin' that Bubb,
and you're not gonna reach my Telephone!

------

Off to a vacation in Praetoria while I think of my next project. If anybody knows what I'm talking about, congratulations, you've been hacked by the Susan Express. Buh-vye.

So...I did. Ha!

Hats go off to "DaveB0rt" for exposing himself to this abuse.

Crying and flames welcome. I adore yur lulz.

Indeed. I think I'll start small, as I always should have.

----

I need some time, in all honesty. Time to rethink all of what I've wanted to do.

I don't really know who I am to the world yet, or what I particularly want.
This includes what I want to do in and for the world, and also what I want from the world itself.
Right now, it's almost like there's nothing that I want.

But I do have a few things that I do want.

First of which being getting out of this stupid town. I plan on moving to Phoenix, AZ in a few months.
More gay community there, and hopefully I'll meet a few furries there, too. :3 It's also got my kind of weather, so I know that I'll be getting out more often.

Second is that I want to start participating here a bit more, as far as portal submissions/reviews, and maybe somewhere down the line actually fulfilling one of the childhood dreams that I've never bothered to pursue: making my own games.

I've got a few other dreams and desires that run in my mind, but I don't yet know if I will be able to acheive them yet.

All I have to do is strive to reach for anything that I want. -- It's that sandbox-y way that we can live that confounds me. It's that very freedom of choice that has left me stuck for over 12 years, unable to decide on and plan for my future.

Is it too late? Closing in on 30 years old; is it too late to begin to live?

I am afraid of the answer to that question being "yes". I'm scared to death of that answer being "yes". I admit it, I myself DO feel like it's too late, but not everyone in the world will believe the same things that I do, so some of you might have a different way of seeing it.

----

I'm scared. I'm scared of never having a future.